teenage dream

Addendum: This post makes it sound like I’m a big proponent of pornography. I’m not. I have a general disgust with most of the pornographic world, and an unyielding anger at how it fuels human trafficking, pedophilia, abuse of women and children, etc. This post is about how my own developing sexuality was delayed and warped by misguided religious beliefs, and how I used to soft porn to learn about my body (which I should have learned in healthier ways). When it comes to human sexuality, my stance is definitely anti-religious but that doesn’t mean there are no boundaries. Selling and buying human beings – with or without their consent – is never ok.

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In my teen years, I didn’t date much. Not because I didn’t want to. I wanted to date like a normal teenager. I was attractive. I was popular. But I was also a bit of a prude, a bit stuck up, and a bit afraid of guys because I was told they only wanted one thing – sex. I came from a very conservative religious community that frowned on casual dating and absolutely forbid premarital sex.

I had a crush on one guy in particular who also had a crush on me. But when he asked me out, my lack of self-esteem wouldn’t let me think he was serious. I thought he was joking and turned him down, at least at first.

This means I spent a lot of my teenage weekends babysitting. This is when I was introduced to the big P – pornography. Continue reading