For me, losing my faith is not just about a change in my personal life. It is about all of the relationships in my life, about my identity and my place in the society where I have grown and belonged my whole life. It is tantamount to renouncing my citizenship in the country of my birth - by choice - and therefore losing all of my alliances, all of my protections, all of my security, and all of my privileges. And that is the part of deconversion you can't possibly understand if you grew up outside belief.
I used to think life would be easier if I believed all the stuff I used to believe. Not believing has been damn hard. So I've tried. Really I have. Tried for the sake of my family, my marriage, my community, my sanity. I've tried to re-believe what I thought I knew, what I was … Continue reading in which i give up
On the way home from work recently, I saw a bad accident near my neighborhood. Apparently a truck cut across 4 lanes of traffic and a median, hitting several oncoming cars and ending up in the woods. I'm not sure of the details. I try not to be one of those rubber-neckers that stop to stare … Continue reading a million tiny doubts
Been missing from the fray for a few weeks. End of school, travel and then my husband was in the hospital. Yeah, that last part was definitely not planned. He's doing great now, but was kind of at death's door without our even knowing it was that bad. He was sick at home for a … Continue reading finding hope and healing in new places and new ways
Once upon a time, I was the pray-er. Have an ache? I'll lay hands on you. Have a problem? I'll remember you to the lord. Have an illness? I'll pray for you. Have a wayward child, a sick relative, a broken relationship? Give me a name and I'll lift it up. I believed there was … Continue reading Doctors aren’t god but thank them anyway (or, Where did The Great Physician do his residency?)
This past weekend was one of extreme highs and extreme lows. Sunday morning, I was high on intimacy after spending a romantic, adventurous, fun-filled weekend away with my husband. But within hours on Sunday afternoon, I had descended into hell. We were on a long (5 hour) car ride, heading home after our amazing weekend together. … Continue reading does the truth that sets you free always hurt like hell?
Today is a conundrum for me. A day of decision. A day that leads to the cross for many is leading to a crossroad for me. It's Ash Wednesday, the day liturgical Christians recognize the beginning of Lent by going to church and receiving smudges of ash on their foreheads as they are reminded: "From dust … Continue reading Ash Wednesday: A CrossRoad